13/04/2011 by flowerpowermom.

It’s a mother of an evolution—launching Mothers’ Day 2011.If you’re on a journey of motherhood after 40—whether via natural fertility, IVF, egg donation, surrogacy, adoption, or you’re parenting in progress—it’s your time to stand up and be counted.

On May 8^th, we invite all women who have become mothers after 40—along with those who wish to be—to join the community of A Child After 40 at Flower Power Mom.

A Child After 40 will empower women and mothers over 40 by uniting them and getting the message out to the rest of the world that it’s time for change.

It’s time to expose the truth about motherhood after 40. Learn about cultural discrimination, social isolation and the secret strengths of women who dare to be mothers in midlife.

Watch the video—A Child After 40—and hear the voices of what has, until now, been a silent and growing maternal army.

In 2010, the CDC reported that the only age group in the United States to show a RISE in birth rate were women over 40.

I have a theory that everyone is now just 1 or 2 degrees away from a mother over 40 or a woman who’s going to be.

We talk of supporting the next generation of children who are faced with saving a planet nearly crucified by human greed.

Who’s empowering the mothers who will raise them? A growing number of them are mothers over 40.

The evolution of women having children later is bringing change at the bedrock of our culture.

And take heed: The same sort of people who now criticize us—accuse us of being selfish granny-moms who put their careers first—will one day wake up and find themselves calling us “Mom.”

To paraphrase Horton, ‘a mother is a mother, no matter how old.’ Respect comes with the job.

So far, we’ve kept our lips zippered about our journey—how challenging it can be facing motherhood, aging and the generation gap, all at the same time.

Sadly, we’ve bought into a culture of ageism and discrimination—the shame of daring to fulfill our dreams of motherhood when we should be sinking gracefully beneath the wrinkling decay of old age.

In fact, the popular image of older mothers has become a cultural archetype.

Or even become a caricature– someone like Eunice’s mama from The Carol Burnett Show, complete with a blue rinse and Coke-bottle bottomed spectacles, whacking anybody with her handbag who dares to speak out of turn.

So far, we’ve swallowed it, laid in the childbearing beds we made for ourselves and kept schtum.

Because they’ve made us feel like the queens of Advanced Maternal Age hiding at the back of the auditorium full peaches-and-cream complexioned Young Homecoming Moms.

But those days are over now.

Our numbers are growing. Our voices will be heard. We’re making our mark on the modern family, despite being discriminated against, at times even vilified, by public and press because of our age.

A new hybrid is emerging–one that fuses a mother’s devoted heart with a grandmother’s ageless wisdom.

Now, that’s as good as it gets!

Isn’t it time for the truth about motherhood after 40?

On Mother’s Day 2011, celebrate the journey of motherhood after 40—join our community and empower each other or those you love who are on the same journey at A Child After 40.

Pay it forward with a Mother’s Day Wish pendant for a donation towards IVF or adoption for another woman over 40.

A CHILD AFTER 40 from www.flowerpowermom.com: empowering women on the journey of motherhood after 40—from fertility, birth and adoption—to a midlife renaissance of parenting and self discovery.

How to get involved with A Child After 40:

A Child After 40 is the first campaign to empower women on the journey of motherhood after 40.  Watch and share the revealing new video. Join the coming A Child After 40 online community. Check out the Resources with websites, blogs, books and info for mothers over 40 and women who wish to be—whether through natural fertility, IVF, egg donation, surrogacy or adoption. Pay It Forward with A Mother’s Day Wish pendant. Get involved with A CHILD AFTER 40!

Video: http://www.youtube.com/user/flowerpowermoms

Campaign Info Page: www.flowerpowermom.com/a-child-after-40

Mother’s Day pendant: http://www.etsy.com/shop/flowerpowermom

About the author:

Angel La Liberte is the founder of the website Flower Power Mom—The Truth About Motherhood After 40 (www.flowerpowermom.com), a regular blog featuring news, commentary, real mom stories and expert advice about motherhood after 40. She conceived naturally and gave birth at 41 and 44.

Posted in Motherhood over 40, TTC over 40, Best infertility blogs, ART, Assisted reproduction, Surrogacy, Fertility | Print | 1 Comment »

23/03/2011 by yourgreatlife.

The 2nd Fertility Focus Telesummit, created and moderated by Sarah Holland, is running this week.  Twelve fertility experts from around the world, and 3 fertility bloggers, are speaking throughout the week on various aspects of fertility health and support.  Sarah started things off on Sunday, the 20th of March, with an introduction to the Telesummit and an explanation of how to get the most out of it.

Yesterday, Monday the 21st, saw the first two interviews; Dr Marion Glenville spoke on the nutritional aspect of fertility health, giving much of her hour-long presentation over to listeners’ questions and providing really comprehensive responses.  The second interview of the evening was mine, on how “Creating an Effective Support Network Can Make All the Difference When Trying To Conceive.”  I’m really excited by the response I have had, with many listeners emailing me afterward to thank me and/or tell me that what I shared really resonated with them.

The Telesummit is completely free to listen to the live presentations, and the replays for 24 hours after each interview. If you didn’t know about it before, it’s not too late to get involved.  Click here to register for the Fertility Focus Telesummit FREE!  You can listen live, and submit questions for each of the speakers, or listen at your leisure to the recordings afterward.  If you are really busy this week and know you won’t be able to listen in, OR you just want to have all 17 audio files to refer to over and over, Sarah provides the option of upgrading to a Golden Ticket so you can purchase the whole Telesummit’s talks, which will be emailed to you as an MP3 file afterward. This is an incredible value, this week only while the Telesummit is running, at US$67, including several bonuses. You can find all the information at the Telesummit website.

Because I’m a bit late in letting you know about the Telesummit and my own presentation on creating a support network, I’d like to share some of that information with you here.  Having been through several challenging years of recurrent miscarriage and secondary infertility myself, I have the benefit of hindsight telling me that I really could have coped far better if I had been more proactive about getting myself, and my husband, the right balance of emotional and practical support.  Infertility put a big strain on our marriage, and I felt very alone and fearful that I would not be able to have the children I had always dreamed of having.  We are fortunate to have come through those rough times, and to have our two children.  Using my training and experience as a fertility coach, I have developed a system to help each of my clients create a support network for their unique needs, thus easing their experience of infertility and efforts to conceive and helping them to feel less isolated and stressed.

During the call, I explained:

• Why infertility support is so important;
• The 5 most essential types of support every infertile person needs;
• Why your partner is not always the best source of support;
• How you actually create your personal support network;
• What you can do is someone you expected to be supportive has turned out to be the opposite; and
• How to maintain a really effective support network over a long period of time.

I’m also offering a Free Bonus to Callers from the Telesummit! I’ve created a comprehensive Worksheet that takes you through the process of creating your own infertility support network, step by step. So, if you haven’t already registered, don’t let this opportunity pass you by.

I’m listening to the other speakers throughout the week myself. I have to say, I’ve been very impressed so far. I’ve learned a lot already from both Dr Glenville and Andrew Loosely, Acupuncturist and Chinese Herbalist. Other expert speakers during the week include Sarah Holland on using EFT for conception, Kristin Hayward, Zita West, Gabriela Rosa, Toni Weschler, Sue Dumais, Nicola Smuts, Deirdre Morris and Cindy Bailey. Then, you can listen to talks from 3 prolific bloggers, including the authors of “From IF to When,” “Eggs and Sperm” and “Survive and Thrive.” I’m really looking forward to the rest of the week.

Posted in fertility coach, Life Coaching, Acupuncture & fertility, Fertility & stress, Romance, Hypnotherapy, Fertility Tips, Alternative medicine, Fertility Experts, Male Fertility, Male Infertility, Asking for help, infertility investigations, Stress & Infertility, EFT and Fertility, Stress & Fertility, Infertility blogger, Yoga, EFT, Support for infertility, Infertility & Stress, ART, Slimming, Fertility & weight, Weight loss, Assisted reproduction, IVF, Fertility, Alternative Therapies & Fertility, Accupuncture and IVF, Getting Pregnant, Infertility, Fertility Advice, Natural Fertility Methods, Trying to Conceive, Pregnancy, Keeping the romance alive, Womens Health, Miscarriage, Stress relief, Friendship & support, lifestyle and fertility, Self care, female fertility, Fertility Treatment, Sex, Older Mums, PCOS, Marriage, Male Fertility Issues | Print | 3 Comments »

11/01/2011 by yourgreatlife.

There was a report in The Sunday Times yesterday that Prof Lisa Jardine, of the government’s regulatory body the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA), is to recommend that fertility clinics warn prospective patients of the risk of birth defects associated with IVF, ICSI, twin pregnancies conceived using assisted reproduction and embryo screening. What does that mean for you, if you are in the midst of or have already availed yourself of one or more of these treatments?

We have heard this before - The first thing you should know is that this is not strictly new news. Eleven months ago, the Daily Mail carried an article stating that “IVF children have higher risk of infertility, obesity and diabetes.” In June of last year, it was reported by the HFEA that a study in France showed that there is a small increase in risks of congenital abnormalities in children born as a result of IVF or ICSI. More recently, The British Medical Journal has recently published information from a study that shows women who have one embryo transferred during IVF treatment are five times more likely to give birth to a healthy baby than those who receive two embryos.  This is not meant to frighten you further, but to show that there are reports in the news all the time and they need to be read carefully and validated.

Risks associated with assisted reproductive techniques - The next thing is to be aware that the HFEA is merely saying that there is a greater risk of health problems associated with assisted reproduction, but not definitively how much greater the risk is. Their intention is merely to be as open as possible with women about any risk before they give consent to starting an assisted reproductive procedure. I am absolutely in favour of that, as the process in which individual women, or couples, go through should be one of fully informed decision-making. What I want, however, is enough specificity to help people understand the results of the studies, as well as a user-friendly explanation of how likely it is that those conditions may affect the health of their child. The Sunday Times article only alludes to possible side effects of IVF and other fertility methods, but gives no statistics. The list of potential health problems in children born of assisted reproductive techniques (A.R.T.), including:

·        heart defects, cleft lip and neurological flaws;

·        low birth weight;

·        cerebral palsy;

·        cancer of the retina;

·        undescended testicles in boys born of IVF; and

·        Infertility in children born as a result of ICSI, a procedure in which a sperm is artificially inserted into an egg.

Risks associated with embryo screening - Additionally, the HFEA wants patients who choose to have their embryos screened for genetic defects before implantation, to be informed of “potential high risk of neurodegenerative disorders,” or brain disorders in their children.  Apparently, embryo screening which uses one cell rather than two cells is of less danger.  It’s important to note that “before issuing new guidelines, the HFEA is to carry out a further review of scientific papers on the health outcomes of assisted reproductive technology children.” That means that no guidelines have been issued yet and that fertility clinics are not yet required to provide this type of information.  Most people who have IVF will not feel the need for embryo screening as a matter of course. I assume that a fertility specialist would recommend the procedure only in such cases as when a genetic condition has already been identified as a possibile outcome. Consequently, the risk of the screening may be offset by the risk of the suspected defect which could already present. Still, I believe that this information should be included with all of the factors relevant to the patient’s decision-making, as it may make a difference to the type of screening undertaken.

What should you do? By all means, you should feel free to ask your medical practitioner for an explanation of these risks. It is worth mentioning that even if the risks of birth defects are somewhat higher in assisted reproductive births than in naturally conceived births, the incidence will still be relatively low. A good analogy might be the risk associated with amniocentesis. There may be a higher risk of miscarriage in pregnancies in which amniocentesis is performed, however, the risk is still less only about 1% of pregnancies in which the miscarriage will actually occur as a result of the procedure. The patient and her partner are the only ones who can decide whether the risk is a reasonable and acceptable one, given the context in which they are operating.

Weighing and balancing - If you cannot conceive naturally, you must decide whether a greater risk of birth defects in A.R.T. births is acceptable to you, relative to your desire to have a baby by any means. Weigh it against the chance that no birth defect will occur, but make sure to discuss how you would feel about having child with a condition like the ones listed above. I don’t have any overall statistics for you because they have not been issued yet, and may never be; you would have to take each study separately. The best way to make any sense of them is to restrict your exploration to those relating to the specific procedure  you will undergo.

Doing your own research - In order to fully explore these issues, you may want to do some of your own research, starting with the HFEA website, which has an excellent section for patient information. Then, if the information you discover leads to questions that you and your partner find difficult to resolve, you may want to talk to a fertility coach who can help you explore your values and priorities specific to your proposed fertility treatment. Just remember, the HFEA seeks to hold the fertility industry accountable, in line with public policy and to the patients that use it, for the protection of all concerned. While the media reports the findings of studies and government reviews of those studies in a way that sometimes makes them seem of greater or more immediate importance than they actually are, it is better to have that information available to us than to be kept in the dark.

Blog http://yourgreatlife.typepad.com   Follow me on Twitter.com/yourgreatlife

Posted in IVF news, Assisted reproduction & birth defects, Infertility news, Assisted reproduction, Fertility news, IVF | Print | 2 Comments »

23/11/2009 by Anya Sizer.

As I sit at my kitchen table and write this blog I am incredibly aware of just what a lot has happened over these last few years . And how , for all the noise , tantrums and lack of sleep I will never cease to be amazed that I have finally got here .That I can finally be a mum .I guess thats one of the only advantages to having had such a fight to get my family . I will never take it for granted .Change the scene to about 8 years ago and the situation was very different and in a sense  where our  journey began  . 

I had met my husband at university and always had a strong friendship as well as romantic hope for him . So it was with little suprise that we finally told family and friends that we were getting married in 1997 . We were very much in love and talked from early on about how great it would be to be parents .The summer before we officially started trying I remember being on holiday and writing a list together of our top girls and boys names for the family which lay just within our reach . There was such optimism and such hope . It was to be over so soon .We tried for a family for about 9 months before I could take it no longer and assumed there was something wrong .

I was never known for my patience and thus nearly everyone told me to calm down , stop trying so hard etc etc ….the usual . But deep down I really just wanted reassurance . And so I persuaded a doctor to do some initial tests on both of us . Fully expecting the results to match the helpful comments of friends and family . That we would be fine and to just relax more .However the results for my husband were utterly devestating . He was Azoospermic , there was no sperm whatsoever  present . The ” kindly ” doctor pronounced we would never have chidren and we were sent on our way .

And just like that our world crumbled and a new chapter began .We then went through every test we could do , choosing to use my savings rather than wait ..again that old impatience . I found out information about my inner workings that I never thought I would know . And certainly more about my husband than is common in most marriages !Finally we saw one of the top specialists in the country and were told in no uncertain terms that ours was one of the worst situations a couple could find themselves in .” If I were you mr Sizer i wouldnt put my wife through IVF but would look at Donor or adoption . You have a 1 in 125,000 chance of this ever working “To say my husband was crushed would be an understatement . And I grieved that day as Much for what it was doing to him as  for the loss of our dreams .

Over the next few weeks we re emerged from the duvet and began to talk . ..and talk ..and pray and talk . Until finally , and for no good practical reason we chose to give that 1 in 125,000 chance a go . Not good betting odds but I guess we needed to close the door before moving on .And so we started IVF number one at the lister clinic , a wonderful warm enviroment who supported us all the way , even when they felt it was a run to nothing .The cycle went badly to begin with and then got worse with the realisation that I was what they called a “poor responder ” ( how I hate that phrase !) and probably early menopausal ..just to add to the tension !!Finally however 4 eggs were obtained , my husband had a very painful op to remove the few sperm he did have and the wonderful world of science miraculously made 4 embryos .Just 3 days later 2 little bundles of potential were lit up on a screen and shown going into my womb …and so began the dreaded 2 week wait .Again we were so low on hope that I almost didnt do a test on the set date . But eventually we did . And amazingly 1 little ball had made it .I was pregnant !! 9 months of  elation and anxiety ensued until finally on April 26th 2003 our first miracle was born and Hope Sizer came into the world .We were literally over the moon to become parents and loved those early days with our new daughter .

And yet our dreams of a family had always been of two or more children .And though family and friends pretty much begged us not to keep going we entered the wonderful world of ART once again when Hope was just over a year old . The abridged version of what happened next was that amazingly , our odds actually seemed to get worse ! I was diagnosed with High FSH , and an over active immune system as well as the initial poor responder bit !  We went through 3 more cycles and two miscarriages before our final attempt at the ARGC clinic .This was to be it . Enough of the battering .And so a new regime was started ,new protocol and an immune suppresant drug for a mere £2000 extra .Two embryos put back in and …..well lets just say Barnaby sizer is a very meant little boy !

We finally felt like a family.I have done many things in my life that I am proud of and many things make me grateful . none of them howehver come close to the pride I feel personally and as a couple, in fighting for our family .It was without doubt the hardest thing I have ever done , possibly ever will do  , and amazingly it was worth it .During my time going through IVF I retrained from a counselling background , into Life coaching and began to specialise in supporting encouraging and resourcing couples through Infertility .

To come up with specific coping tools  through this most emotional of times .One of the key things I always say to people is to never belittle what you are facing . Infertility has recently been given a stress point reading akin to Cancer and Bereavement and as such a person dealing with fertility issues needs support . A new chapter has again then started for me through this work . A new chance to help support and encourage other people facing the difficulties of Infertility . Whether it is running the support group , running workshops or speaking to the media I remain passionate that people facing Infertility should be as best looked after as possible .

Best of luck to everyone reading this 

Anya Sizer

www.thefertilitycoach.co.uk     

Posted in Fertility Blog, Infertility & Stress, Fertility Blogger, ART, fertility coach, Male Infertility, Infertility, IVF, Assisted reproduction, Male Fertility, Male Fertility Issues | Print | 2 Comments »

20/11/2009 by amymarner.

Fertility problems are one of the most stressful experiences to go through. What is more a lot of people do not understand what it is like for couples experiencing problems. Often couples who have been planning for a baby for years are asked “When are you going to start a family?” This can only add to the stress, particularly if the couple have decided not to tell others about their fertility challenges. What is more high stress levels are known to reduce the chances of conception so it is very important for couples to reduce their stress levels as best they can.

Mind/body techniques can be really helpful when dealing with the stress Fertility issues can bring. Meditating is great because it brings stillness to the mind relieving it of all the clutter that we tend to live with on a day-to-day basis. Regularly meditating can help to reduce that clutter at other times. If you are someone who finds meditating difficult listening to a CD of guided meditation can be helpful to start with. It’s a question of finding what works best for you.

Practicing being mindful during day-to-day tasks is also a helpful way to reduce stress. For example being mindful whilst eating means that you smell the food. Look at the colour. Be aware of the texture in your mouth. Really taste it as you chew. Take your time. You can apply this mindfulness to anything; just make sure you are using all your senses to do it.

Of course Fertility Solutions can help too. Using Theta Healing it is possible to reduce stress levels and using the Fertility Solutions Programme means you will not only reduce your stress levels but also give yourself the best chance of conceiving be it naturally or with medical intervention. For more information on how Fertility Solutions can help you go to www.amymarner.co.uk

Posted in Fertility Tips, Guest blogger, Alternative medicine, Fertility & stress, Fertility Blog, Fertility Blogger, Infertility & Stress, Assisted reproduction, doing things differently, Alternative Therapies & Fertility, Trying to Conceive, Stress, TTC over 35, lifestyle and fertility, Stress relief, Natural Fertility Methods | Print | No Comments »

16/11/2009 by amymarner.

Hypnosis is a natural state that we all enter daily. It’s those times when your imagination is active, so watching a film or reading a book. If you are immersed in the story and your imagination is involved that is hypnosis. You are completely in control and free to leave it at anytime. Our subconscious does not know the difference between our imagination and reality so we can use our imagination to access the subconscious and create what we want in our lives.

Using hypnosis is a great way to address fertility, because we can access our imagination and address what is going on in our subconscious. For example we may have spent years trying not to get pregnant, our subconscious may not have caught up with our new plans to start a family so using the imagination we can show the subconscious what we really want and it can catch up. This then supports our body to conceive.      

We may often have negative thoughts running through our minds, worry creating more worry and affecting our well-being. Our negative thoughts can affect our hormonal balance but with hypnosis it is possible to bring them back to a healthy equilibrium therefore supporting conception.

Fertility Solutions hypnosis CDs have been developed by Tracy Holloway (a qualified hypnotherapist and renowned fertility specialist) in order to prepare the subconscious mind for conception. The powerful CDs begin with deep relaxation; this prepares your mind for suggestion and supports you to release stress. Once you have listened for at least a week to the first CD you can move on to the next. Each one brings you relaxation and prepares the body for conception. Some are designed specifically for those who are planning to conceive naturally, others support assisted conception and there are also CDs for those who have experienced miscarriage and fear their body cannot support a healthy baby.

These powerful CDs go hand in hand with the Fertility Solutions Programme but can also be very effective in their own right. For more details and to buy online click here.

Posted in Guest blogger, Alternative medicine, Running on empty, Assisted reproduction, Hypnotherapy, Fertility & stress, Fertility Blogger, Infertility & Stress, Fertility Blog, doing things differently, Stress relief, Fertility, Infertility, Recurrent Miscarriage, Alternative Therapies & Fertility, Stress, female fertility, Miscarriage, Womens Health, Natural Fertility Methods | Print | No Comments »

03/11/2009 by yourgreatlife.

Part Two: Coming upon a Crossroads, What You Need To Make Your Decisions

The first crossroads is likely to be when you decide to see the doctor because, despite your efforts, you have not conceived.   It isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, or culture, to expose their intimate life to the scrutiny of doctors or undergo blood tests and scans, checking for something “wrong.”  Some uninformed men may be unwilling to provide a semen sample, for fear of what the results may suggest about his manliness.

Both the woman and man may feel some anxiety about whose family line may be to “blame” for their inability to become pregnant.  If this pertains to you or your partner, you must cast these outdated stigmas aside and take some relatively simple tests to discover the cause of your infertility.  If having a baby is your ultimate goal, your value system may have to adapt to accept the help that modern medicine and technology offer.

The second crossroads is deciding whether to pursue more invasive medical investigations and/or treatment.  With a clear diagnosis and readily available treatment, it is easier to decide what to do because the options are more clearly set out.  Your personal life may present the deciding factor: your relationship, finances, career, religion or emotional wellbeing may all be taken into consideration.  Many couples have to contend with unexplained infertility, where early test results were ambiguous.  If you (or your doctor) are operating in the dark, it won’t do much for your confidence.  In this case, the dilemma about which treatment to pursue may be decided by not knowing what else to do. 

Whatever your decision, the most important factor is agreement between the partners, not only because cooperation, understanding and support are vital to keeping stress levels down, but also because it could mean the difference between having a genetic child or not.  From the point that you choose assisted conception you enter a different world; one where your daily life centres on the fertility clinic. For working men, the clinical, inconvenient scheduling, financial and sexual aspects of trying to conceive while being treated, put them into unfamiliar territory and cause stress.  Women will physically experience all of that, and possibly, mood swings, pain, invasive procedures and fear that time is running out as well. 

The decision-making shifts to:

• Are you happy with the doctor/clinic you started with?
• Should you try less invasive treatment first, or go straight to IVF?
• Should we try complementary therapies before, or alongside, traditional medical treatment?
• How will you pay for your treatment?
• When should you begin treatment?
• Can this be managed around your work and/or other obligations?
• How many embryos do you want to implant? 
• How many times will you undergo treatment?

These questions may have the two of you at a new crossroads every week. While some people may sail through and others agonize, it’s more likely that some decisions will bring up unexpected issues.  Pay really close attention how you are both functioning.  Your emotional state is important: Do either of you feel stressed, resentful, guilty, desperate, depressed, or hopeless?  Is one of you leaning one way and the other in another direction?  Are you fighting? That is where mutual respect, communication and agreement come into play.

Lisa Marsh is a Fertility Coach working with people on all aspects of fertility, including female and male infertility, pregnancy loss, assisted conception, alternative means of family-building and menopause.  Visit her blog http://yourgreatlife.typepad.com or her website http://yourgreatlife.co.uk for more information.  For coaching, email lisa@yourgreatlife.co.uk

Posted in doing things differently, female fertility, Fertility Treatment, Assisted reproduction, Life Coaching, infertility investigations, Asking for help, fertility coach, Marriage, Getting Pregnant, Trying to Conceive, Fertility Tests, Male Fertility Issues, Pregnancy, Infertility, Alternative Therapies & Fertility, IVF, Fertility, Uncategorized | Print | 3 Comments »

01/11/2009 by yourgreatlife.

Part One: How Do You Function as a Couple? 

Infertility is no picnic. There are months or even years of suspecting a problem, opening up about it, asking for help, educating yourselves about issues, medical terms, finding acceptance and making decisions about how to proceed.  It’s not entirely straightforward for most couples.  How can it be, unless you are incredibly agreeable, immediately find the right doctor and receive an unequivocal diagnosis and solution?  Often, I get annoyed by the over-used term “fertility journey,” but it fits here too perfectly to cast aside, as I describe various crossroads you may reach on the way to creating your family.  A crossroads, in this context, is one of those times when you have to stop and deliberate a big decision that will affect the way you pursue parenting and its success.  You may have a possible diagnosis, a medical opinion, and/or the opinions of family, friends and forum members to contend with, fighting for attention in your head.  You have to pay attention to what your body is telling you as well.  Primarily, if you are in a relationship, you must come to an agreement with your partner at each of several crossroads. 

How will you get through these rather large bumps in the road? For the most part, that will depend upon how your relationship already works.

For a couple whose communication skills are quite healthy, facing these decisions may not be too difficult. Secure in their relationship, they may sit down together and have private, peaceful conversations every step of the way.  They will lay out the pros and cons very efficiently, really listening to each other and reading the subtext (that which is not actually spoken) to arrive at a decision that both find acceptable.

The couple who do not talk about much may just launch into medical investigations and treatment without much forethought.  That may seem unbelievable, considering the physical, emotional and financial costs, but it works for some.  This is the couple that knows they want children, want their “problem fixed” and allow their doctor to run the show. “It seems like everyone is having fertility treatment these days,” so why shouldn’t they? One concern is that if they don’t talk about huge issues like fertility treatment, they may not know when they need to be supportive of each other.

Where one person in the relationship is clearly dominant, the person who is in the power seat makes most of the decisions and their partner follows the lead.  When it comes to fertility issues, I would lay a bet down that the woman is making the decisions. This is actually more effective than you might think, in that traditional relationships assign matters of health, wellbeing and family planning to the woman. Her man goes off to work, doesn’t accompany her to the doctor’s office and understands the need for scheduling tests, scans, injections, sex and, well, life.  She only has to tell him where and when to show up to fulfil his parts of the equation. 

 Finally, there are the couples who discuss EVERYTHING in minute detail, who I divide into two camps:1)  The couple who talk about everything with each other and everyone else. Copious research, note-taking, question-asking, Google-obsessing, and forum-hopping is normal for them, but they do finally come to a decision and eventually take a step forward and 2) The couple that goes round and round the issues in circles, saying “What do you think? No, you say what you want first. Please just tell me what you want to do. Maybe we should discuss it more.”  This couple is in danger of losing valuable time in getting their treatment started or moving on to the next available spot with the clinic.

This is Part One of a Series. Please look for the next Part: Coming upon a Crossroads, What You Need To Make Your Decisions.

Lisa Marsh is a Fertility Coach working with people on all aspects of fertility, including female and male infertility, pregnancy loss, assisted conception, alternative means of family-building and menopause.  Visit her blog http://yourgreatlife.typepad.com or her website http://yourgreatlife.co.uk for more information.  For coaching, email lisa@yourgreatlife.co.uk

Posted in Guest blogger, Assisted reproduction, Male Infertility, fertility coach, infertility investigations, Asking for help, Fertility Treatment, Male Fertility Test, Infertility, Trying to Conceive, Fertility, IVF, Getting Pregnant, Fertility Tests | Print | 1 Comment »

10/06/2009 by admin.

The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA for short) is the UK’s independent regulator overseeing the use of gametes and embryos in fertility treatment and research.

The HFEA licenses fertility clinics and centres carrying out in vitro fertilisation (IVF), other assisted conception procedures and human embryo research.

If you want to find out more about assisted reproduction and IVF this is a good place to start.

They have a ‘find a clinic near you’ search in which you simply enter your postcode to find out about clinics and services in your area.

 There is also lots of information about IVF and assisted reproduction including IVF success rates, frequently asked questions, who is eligible for NHS treatment and lots more

I am going to add the website to our blogroll

http://www.hfea.gov.uk/

Posted in Assisted reproduction, HFEA, IVF | Print | 1 Comment »

11/05/2009 by admin.

Just read this stroy online at EDP (Eastern Daily Press)

Infertile women now faced with long journeys to London for treatment may soon have their lives made easier.

As a result of changes to fertility services in the East of England, a Norwich clinic has closed and some women have been told they will have to make repeat journeys to London for scans and in vitro fertilisation (IVF).

But there is a light on the horizon - the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in King’s Lynn and Bourn Hall Clinic in Cambridge are in behind-the-scenes negotiations to bring an outreach clinic to Norfolk.

Read the full story at the EDP online

 http://www.edp24.co.uk/content/edp24/news/story.aspx?brand=EDPOnline&category=News&tBrand=EDPOnline&tCategory=xDefault&itemid=NOED11%20May%202009%2015%3A12%3A50%3A927

Posted in Assisted reproduction, Fertility Services, IVF | Print | 1 Comment »